?Enjoy your time together as a family,? said the sweet older lady splashing out of Chik Fil A a few minutes ago as our family, the kids completely wired, splashed in.
We are in suburban Philadelphia for the funeral two days ago of my dear mother-in-law. Scheduled to fly out today, we are in the same situation as so many others, maybe flying out Wednesday, although who knows.
My mother-in-law?died eight days ago after?a nearly year-long terrible illness. The last week has been about memories, pictures, a?pre-dawn flight back east,?staying in her home with my father-in-law, reassuring the children, offering our love and support as best we can to the beyond-exhausted and heartbroken family who has been here on the scene being 24/7 anguished caregivers.
And now we five, two children, a son and his wife, a widowed grandfather, are cooped up together in my mother-in-law?s tidily decorated?but now fairly cluttered house, with beautiful flower arrangements starting to fade a bit, sympathy cards streaming in, new leftovers from cassaroles?brought by generous neighbors?and suspicious old?leftovers?filling the fridge (did I see that cookie dough this summer when we visited?), some fresh peanut butter and jelly and bread and water and batteries stocked up in case we lose power, watching it rain, making a foray to Chik Fil A for a diet Dr Pepper and carrot-raisin salad and to?enjoy that most precious commodity known as wifi. The kids are missing school (which is not cancelled in Illinois); my husband and I are hopelessly behind on work; the only exercise I can come up with is yoga in the middle of the living room floor (the only floor space in the house big enough for it) as everyone tromps around me.? Now and then I steal my iPhone back from my son obsessed with Minecraft so that I can read some emails and the news, then hand it back to him with stern admonitions to keep charging it for when we lose power.
?Enjoy your time together as a family??and we are, even as we make each other nuts?and have no space,?and miss the woman who gave herself so fully to all of us and to so many others, whose life is alive around us in her shoes and clothes in the closet, her tidy stacks of spotless table cloths and doilies in the drawers, her old photos and all the snapshots of grandchildren, the lotions and rosaries on her dresser, her tiny kitchen in which she produced great meals for many and fed a family of six?for decades,?in which all but the lowest cabinets were too high for her 4?10? frame to reach, a design decision which always made me nuts for her sake.
Of course, it?s time together that is the most precious thing of all?fleeting, frustrated, sweet time. And so for the sake of my mother-in-law, and for the sake of my children?s memories someday when I too am gone, I will do my best to be patient and to let go and, as the nice lady leaving Chik Fil A instructed me, to?enjoy it.
Categories: Aging, Disability, Death, Dying, Faith and Families
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Source: http://familyscholars.org/2012/10/29/time/
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