The Real Housewives of New Jersey Recap: Poker Face

The Real Housewives of New Jersey made their way back from the shore this week to play a little poker and kick one little Jersey girl out of the her luxurious nest.

We break down all the drama in our patented THG +/- recap below!

Say bye bye. That was Jacqueline's response as Ashlee whined about packing to leave for Vegas. Plus 10 because it was so pathetic it was funny.

They sent her off with Albie to avoid a family meltdown at the airport hoping that she'd get on the plane without incident. It sounds good…in theory.

Minus 7 because Albie couldn't be bothered to park the car and walk his wayward cousin to the security checkpoint. Instead he drops her at the curb and there's no doubt she'll be home by dark.

Sure enough, Albie gets the call as he's driving home. Somehow Ashlee missed her flight. Minus 12. This girl is pathetic. I know it's because she doesn't want to go but it is sad when a 20-year-old can't check herself in at an airport. 

Chris is right, his step-daughter has no common sense. Her answer to stress is wishing she could buy herself a drink. Ashlee may be headed down a hard road all of her own making. 

This time Chris drives her to the airport to make sure it's done right. Plus 10. At home Jacqueline looks at pictures of her little girl and cries. I understand she's upset but it's not like some awful tragedy has befallen her daughter. Ashlee's a spoiled brat and when people stop handing her stuff maybe she'll grow up.

Apparently Ashlee isn't the only Jersey girl having issues. Lauren's cosmetic business is a bust. She says she wasn't getting the respect she deserved so she packed up her kiosk at Chateau and walked away…the day after her grand opening party! Minus 15. Seriously, don't you have to at least put some actual work into the business to earn respect?

The diet she's going on looks ridiculous. Minus 5. Although I have no doubt if she sticks to it she'll lose weight, I'll also bet she'll gain it right back once she starts eating real food again. 

Speaking of failed businesses, Joe Guidice's pizzeria has a closed sign on the door. Well, that didn't last long. Now he's planning to buy the gas station across the street and turn the property into an over 55 residence. When Teresa asks if the gas station owner knows he'll be evicted, Joe says no but it's no big deal. Minus 15! I think it will be a big deal for the owner.

Across town, Kathy and Rich's son is e-mailed a topless picture of a girl. Plus 8 for Kathy's response. I thought she handled it well. Minus 10 to Rich. There are times when his jokes are just a little too sleazy.

Finally the whole gang gets together and Teresa takes the moment to once again apologize for her book…or sort of apologize. It never really comes across that she's sorry for anything. Minus 7 Teresa can't seem to let it go and then she's begging people to read the book because once they do they'll really get into it. Um…it's a cookbook, right? How into it can you be?

The boys head into the next room to play a little poker and most of the fun occurs off camera. Rich and Joe Guidice end up having a wrestling match over something vital like who's the taller Joe. Then Guidice makes a grab at Rich below the belt and later jokes that there was nothing to grab. 

Uh, is that normally where guys grab one another during a fight?  Well, maybe short guys. Minus 13.

In the end Joe ends up with a candlestick holder in the eye. Yeah, I don't get it either.

But Joe's stuck at home now playing Mr. Mom while Teresa's doing her book signings. As usual the kids are little terrors but at least Milania only called Gia a hooker this week. Plus 8. That's a step up from calling her sister a stupid whore.

Finally. Melissa tries to have a romantic dinner but Joe can't stop thinking about babies and sex. Then Melissa tells him she recorded a love ballad for him. It's actually not bad. Joe says the song turns him on. No kidding. What doesn't turn him on?

So who thinks we'll see Ashlee back again before the end of the season? Who thinks we'll see her back next week? Something tells me that Jersey girl will be back before we know it.

EPISODE TOTAL: -48! SEASON TOTAL: -111!   

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